Hi everyone. This blog is for participants in the WellConnectedTraining program Core Concepts in Couple Counselling.
Please post your reflections on session one on this page. To post a reflection, just click "new post" on the Blogger menu bar at the top of this page.
This session will focus on negative couple cycles, the negative cycles of blame that typically present to the couple counsellor, and how to manage them.
Pre-reading for this session:
This is an easy to read introduction to Gottman:
http://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/john-gottman
Other references:
For a more detailed account see John Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Another good interview with Gottman is available in the online Edge magazine:
http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/gottman05/gottman05_index.html
Videos:
Youtube video from the Gottman Institute:
This is the first of three videos. To see the rest, just search for "Gottman Institute" in Youtube.
Further-reading:
Another interesting article we may refer to is Bill Doherty's Bad Couples Therapy: How to Avoid Doing It.
http://www.drbilldoherty.org/pdf/Bad_Couples_Therapy.pdf
In the small
villages of eastern Europe, the rabbi was the undisputed leader of the
Jewish people of his village. Not only was he the master of religious
wisdom and law, but he often served as the arbiter of civil disputes as
well.
There is told the tale of 2 individuals who had a major dispute and agreed to go to the rabbi for resolution.
The first party to the dispute came to the rabbi and carefully outlined his side of the argument. The rabbi listened intently and finally said, “My friend, you are right.” The man went away satisfied.
Later in the day, the other party to the dispute arrived and told the rabbi his side of the issue. The rabbi again listened carefully, was impressed with the arguments, and replied after some thought, “You are right.”
Later, the rabbi’s wife, who had overheard the rabbi’s conversations with both men, said to him, “Rabbi, you told both the first party and the second party that they were right. How can this be?”
To which the rabbi replied, “And you are right too!”
Please post your reflections on session one on this page. To post a reflection, just click "new post" on the Blogger menu bar at the top of this page.
This session will focus on negative couple cycles, the negative cycles of blame that typically present to the couple counsellor, and how to manage them.
Pre-reading for this session:
This is an easy to read introduction to Gottman:
http://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/john-gottman
Other references:
For a more detailed account see John Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Another good interview with Gottman is available in the online Edge magazine:
http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/gottman05/gottman05_index.html
 |
| Aspects of the negative interaction cycle |
 |
| Negative cycle in action |
Videos:
Youtube video from the Gottman Institute:
Further-reading:
Another interesting article we may refer to is Bill Doherty's Bad Couples Therapy: How to Avoid Doing It.
http://www.drbilldoherty.org/pdf/Bad_Couples_Therapy.pdf
The Rabbi
There is told the tale of 2 individuals who had a major dispute and agreed to go to the rabbi for resolution.
The first party to the dispute came to the rabbi and carefully outlined his side of the argument. The rabbi listened intently and finally said, “My friend, you are right.” The man went away satisfied.
Later in the day, the other party to the dispute arrived and told the rabbi his side of the issue. The rabbi again listened carefully, was impressed with the arguments, and replied after some thought, “You are right.”
Later, the rabbi’s wife, who had overheard the rabbi’s conversations with both men, said to him, “Rabbi, you told both the first party and the second party that they were right. How can this be?”
To which the rabbi replied, “And you are right too!”
Core competencies for this first session are:
- Able to focus on the relationship rather than persons
- Ability to simply describe the negative interactional cycle in terms of actions, beliefs and emotions
- Able to interrupt the negative interactional cycle
- Prizing both positions
- Moving from conflict to dialogue
- Manage conflict by drawing out shared dreams
- Able to comment on the couple interaction from the perspective of difference leading to negative interaction
- Able to offer hope to the couple
